See Spot Write: Gavin Newsom's Official Schedule, Shanghai, China

• 2 Comments
• +1 Vote
• Share
• Email

Gavin Newsom is flying through the starry skies heading to one of my favorite cities in the world, Shanghai, to spread his arms and glow all over everyone in China. He'll be there with former mayors Willie Brown, Frank Jordan, some city officials and business types and the Glide Memorial Choir, for obvious reasons.

I figured for old times' sake, let's take an educated guess at a day in the Mayor's itinerary. Shanghai's a big place with loads to do, but come on. I'm willing to bet this is 84% accurate.

Mayor Gavin Newsom's Official Schedule: Shanghai, China (submitted Saturday, June 19, 2010)

Friday, June 18, 2010

7:00: Wake-up call

7:15: Hotel gym and steam room with Mayor Jordan (Mayor Brown declined invitation, claiming he'll meet back up with everyone "at dinner")

8:15: Back to room for ensemble selection/grooming

9:07: Pained but polite call from front desk. Delegation waiting in lobby

9:20: Emerge from elevator expecting a reaction from delegation, after unnecessary stop to have overly familiar conversation with confused bellman in hopes of appearing down to earth

9:22: Send rental car back for something with bullet-proof windows

9:45: Arrive at "Baosteel Stage ·Exhibition Zone" early for 10am "Zhejiang 'Porcelain of Zhejiang style' blue porcelain kilns fledge performance"

9:46: Mayor, frustrated, marches off to find a Starbucks, "since we've got all the time in the world."

10:00: Zhejiang "Porcelain of Zhejiang style" blue porcelain kilns fledge performance beings

10:04: Mayor returns with Venti Starbucks cup, contents unknown. All in attendance confused by porcelain. Frank Jordan heard to mutter, "We flew all the way to the Orient to look at a bunch of pots and pans? I could be at Lyon's."

10:30: Delegation takes shopping break, agrees to meet back at "America Square" for "Texas Salute Week" at 11:30. Mayor and entourage (high five) head to one of Shanghai's many, many convenient Armani Collezioni boutiques. Run into Willie Brown formally exchanging gifts with dozen Chinese businessmen. Newsom appears confused, Brown has suit custom tailored while closing deal.

11:30: Glide Memorial Choir only delegation members to actually show up for "Texas Salute Week." Rest of San Francisco Group discovered amazing selection of knock-off designer merchandise in Shanghai. Mayor Newsom purchased several "North Fake" jackets and "Tiffany" ladies jewelry, purportedly as "gifts."

12:45: Delegation meets at M on the Bund for lunch.

2:00: Mayor Newsom excuses himself to conduct "meetings" at hotel. Records show in-room purchase of one $14 jar of cashews, three (3) orange Fanta sodas and Spectravision movie purchase of "The Hangover"

5:00: Delegation meets in lobby for cocktail hour. Mayor Newsom proudly donning huge North Face jacket over suit. Mayor Jordan standing and staring at eye-level decorative aquarium, Mayor Brown not in attendance

5:30: Delegation departs for Expo 2010 Shanghai China Parade, collection of shows at "Celebration Square." Mayor Newsom alternates between meeting Expo attendees and texting. Glide Memorial Choir beginning to wonder what the hell they're doing here

6:30: Mayor Newsom requests a "break in the VIP tent." Upon location of said tent, delegation denied entry. Noted: Mayor Brown spotted inside VIP tent

7:15: Group departs for dinner at Jean-Georges. Mayor Newsom's mood deteriorating. North Face jacket now tied around his shoulders

7:30: Delegation arrives at destination. Mayor Brown yet to arrive. Mayor Newsom angrily calls him. Brown asks location, and when told "Jean Georges. And it's free" Brown responds, "On my way"

7:45: Mayor Newsom proposes toast. Mayor Jordan knocks over glass. Mayor Brown arrives with "lady friend," sits at the head of the table and proceeds to engage delegation with lively, hilarious, amazing tales of his storied career dedicated to public service and self-promotion. Cooks emerge from the kitchen just to stand and listen

9:30: Delegation heads to jazz club. Mayor Brown and "lady friend" agree to attend, provided they get the bullet-proof car

9:45: Delegation arrives at destination, Mayor Newsom orders orange Fanta as Mayor Jordan asks, "What is that? Juice?" Mayor Brown ushered by club staff to reserved table in center of the club. Rest of delegation stands at bar waiting for existing patrons to depart. Repeated queries of, "Are you guys leaving? Oh, okay. Well, when you do...?"

10:15: Mayor Jordan hails cab back to hotel hoping to catch, "The Jay Leno Show"

10:30: Glide Memorial Choir invited to take the stage, introduced by Mayor Brown. Mayor Newsom stands onstage with arms folded

10:45: Standing ovation to Choir's performance of Sister Act Medley. Mayor Brown joins choir in bow

10:50: Mayor Newsom demands car back to hotel, overheard to complain, "Why are we here? What the hell does a sister city even mean?" Appears tired, confused

11:15: Mayor Newsom texts staff to officially sign off for evening, agrees to 7:00 wake-up call. Suggests he may watch BBC World News. Hotel records to show purchase of Spactravision film, "Role Models"

2:13: Mayor Newsom reports being awakened by noise in hallway. Opens guestroom door to find Mayor Brown returning from his evening with "lady friend" and several Chinese businessmen. Mayor Brown, observing Mayor Newsom, says, "Oh, my bad. We're on the wrong floor." Mayor Newsom inquired as to which floor Mayor Brown's room was located. Mayor Brown responded, "It's not a room, really. It's the whole floor. The top one. Why?"