Run, Alejandro, Run: Violet Blue's Sexy SF Pride Guide 2010

I'll just disclose up front that I am not a fan of this year's Pride theme. I've said this before. "40 and Fabulous!" Really? I mean, I know that it's SF Pride's 40^th year and that is a very seriously cool thing worth partying in the streets and between the sheets for. But ,honestly, we sound embarrassed about our age. This is no surprise in the notoriously vicious "cult of youth" atmosphere that I often hear about in the gay male scene, but I really don't think we all need that fart on the whole shortbus, if you know what I mean.

So I'm renaming SF Pride's theme, even if it's just for myself. Seriously -- we're proud of our decades, we're all still here (even if not in body), and marriage: it's on. Haters must bow down, because 40 years means we've got several out generations of love and fight in us. We're just getting warmed up. I like the Trans March's theme better, so I'll go with that: "United by Pride, United by Power." It's much better than my other pick, which is "In Your Face, Utah."

Also, we want our Harvey Milk stamps, dammit.

Be "40 and FABULOUS" if you must, just as long as you get your geezer self out to a place where you can shake your cane at the Lady Gaga Flash mobbers and tell them to get off your lawn (Dolores Park) and then find someone hot to have after-sex Metamucil's with.

If you just got here, please tell me you brought layers (of clothing for our fickle SF summer), sunscreen, low expectations for getting a taxi, zero expectation of driving anywhere around the Castro and Mission on Saturday, or anywhere at all around downtown on Sunday. If you don't have a copy of Tablehopper's Guide to Dining and Drinking in San Francisco, then use the blog like you're baby bird and it's your mama when planning food. Get thee to the Ferry Building for more food, and some SF beauty that won't have your delicate ass in the unseemly mire of Pier 39's tourist trapistry.

Around the clock lube and safer sex supplies can be found at Walgreen's Castro, on Castro at 18^th. If you're at that intersection at a fairly reasonable hour and need something a bit stronger, several sex toy stores on Castro and on 18^th within half a block have all kinds of goodies - and the lowest prices in The City.

Do not miss institutions, the shortlist: Get a souvenir at Cliff's Variety. Get leather and fetish wear at Stormy Leather and Mr. / Madame S (mr-s-leather.com). Experience the incredibleness of LGBTQ and BDSM haven for coffee, tea and much more at Wicked Grounds (this is also a place to find out about things not on "guides"). Femina Potens is sexy as hell and smarter than a whipcrack, and it is indeed the most happening sex-positive queer art space in SF - go there. Three Twins has gay-themed ice cream, with flavors that include Rainbow/Gay Sherbet, Lavender, Rice Milk Harvey Milk and Cookies, and Salted Nuts.

The top two event guides you'll want to have handy are our Super Mega Guide and SF Bay Guardian's Your Big Queer Week.

Event guides are great, though there are some events this weekend that are more like sparkly kittens made of pure glitter than others.

Black Friday

Thusly named for the Mr. S Leather after-hours event on Friday night where they close the doors (with you inside) and enjoy the refreshments and "live demos" performed around the store - with the event featuring Ms SF Leather 2009 MoŽ Williams. It's part of leather and rubber lovin' Folsom Friday, where many SOMA venues host a dirty bar crawl, including shuttles running down Folsom Street all might long (10PM-2PM).

All the cool kids are going to the Trans March - it's been a very high-profile year for transgender visibility (in porn, in media, and in politics). The energy around this year's march is electric, especially with big names in the transgender world attending.

Also hot at night: Original Plumbing's Unofficial! At the Elbo Room with DJs, performances and a furry photo booth; and at sexy Supperclub there's DJ Lady Kier of Deee-Lite, and a performance by the legendary, glamour drag answer to L7, Pepperspray (fronted by porn star and Thrillpeddlers' star Michael Soldier AKA Precious Moments).

Pink Saturday

The Dyke March is unmissable; for the presence, the sexiness, the inappropriate onlookers who realize they are in the minority real fast, the miles of smiles, and of course, the Mardi Gras spectacle that happens in the Victorian apartments above that line the march route. Starts at Dolores Park at 7pm, but the cruising begins at three. Oh, I mean the rally.

Let the march lead you to Pink Saturday in the streets of the Castro, where the streets are shut down for a party packed to the limit with women in the Castro, which is a wonderfully refreshing scene. There's food and drink, it goes from 6PM-midnight (strict closing enforcement) and a donation is requested for entry.

Not in the mood? The DNA Lounge is going to blow its doors off with the ass-shakingest dance party in town: Bootie will blow your mind (and your other parts will follow) with their Lady Gaga vs. Madonna theme. This one will be off the hook, a lot of fun, and worth bringing a camera to.

Pride (Rainbow) Sunday

The SF Pride parade is incredible, amazing, very long, but always worth it. The glamour starts at Market and Davis and travels to Market and 8^th; it is absolutely the highlight of the weekend, starts at 10:30 am and is scheduled 'till noon, but since it's partially on drag time will likely end late. It is also the irresistible price of free.

My after-Pride top pick has to be the Queerly Beloved Pink Sunday Party at El Rio. From 3-8 PM, queer porn icon Courtney Trouble throws THE queer after party, and "The Smartest Ass in [Queer] Porn" Tina Horn hosts a sexed-up party that is actually a benefit for queerporn.tv (admission is a paltry $5). The entertainment includes DJs, dancers, kissing and kink booths (yikes!), and a bunch of horny, happy queers.

For more SF Pride tips and treasures, see also: Citizen Gay - Miss California's Pride Guide (2009), Your Extra Sexy Pride Guide (2008) and Ten Ways to Get Lubed in San Francisco (2007).