Things San Franciscans Like: Brunch

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San Franciscans probably didn't invent the concept of eating a meal that was a combination of breakfast and lunch, but the zeal with which they've appropriated it is verging on what Ke$ha has done to Lady GaGa's style: they covered it in eye glitter and found out what the letter 'S' has to do with money.

Might things have turned out differently if this most popular of all mid-meals had been termed lunchfast? Duncher certainly never caught on, and linner is just a little too much like supper. What the hell is supper? Who cares, this isn't Little House on the Prairie, and thank God for that or else San Franciscans would be forced to say things like, "Pa! Time for supper!" or "We're meeting Laura on the back 40 for bottomless Bellinis."

I'm not saying that J.D. Salinger wouldn't have liked brunch, no one really knows what J.D. Salinger did or did not like, but Holden would have puked in his mouth at the thought of such a phony meal.

Walk into a restaurant with 6 of your closest friends, bemoan how short weekends are (only 2 days, you'll never get over it!) talk about how much you need coffee, and then order french toast made out of an artisan baguette that's stuffed with strawberries and crème fraiche.

When was the last time you could order dessert as your entrée? Well, the next time is now!

Of course, the real appeal of brunch is the San Francisco Screwdriver, also known as the bottomless mimosa. Pay $9 and drink a liter of Andre and Minute Maid? Put me in coach, I'm ready!

As if that wasn't enough carbonation, all of these modernly rustic/thick bacon and avocado on everything/we make our own ketchup/our napkins have that green stripe down the middle/we wish our name rhymed with "Opa" type places have started brewing their own sparkling water.

Brewing is probably not the right term here, cooking? No, that's meth. Infusing? No, that's vodka, but you get the idea. San Franciscans are probably the only people in the known world, who can sit there totally straight-faced when a waiter asks, "Would you like to try our signature house water?"

Photo: Jason Schultz